i still love jesus.

i am at a cabalistic place in life right now.
i have begun to let loose. for reasons i do not yet know.

if people get drunk at times, does that mean that they do not know jesus?
this question seems to be brought up lately, and i don't think there is a real answer to that.
i don't think that PEOPLE can answer it.
however, i do believe that you can still love jesus, and get drunk. there are seasons in life.

my season is: 'letting loose.' that's what i'll call it. i never went through this phase before. i don't have all the answers as to why i am now. i suppose i am trying to fill a void. in no way am i trying to justify my actions, i am just simply being honest.

at times, i know that i am doing something i shouldn't. but i still do it.
for some reason it is really easy for me to say, 'oh well, i don't care.'
a couple months ago i would of cared.
not to say i won't again.
but right now, i know what i am doing, i don't know why i'm doing it, and i don't care. i'm just doing it. that's that. i will fall, i'm sure, but i know i will find my way back up; or He will find me.

to be completely transparent, i am angry with God right now. there, i said it.
that may be a horrible thing for someone to say to most, but it's a relationship.
and relationships aren't always perfect like blue bell ice cream. [yes, i said ice cream]

so my life is weird right now, i'm having fun. i am numb to crying. i am in love with my kiddos at work. i hate math; i love my social work classes. i am angry with God; i still love Him. and i am letting loose. [i don't know why]



if that's not transparency, i don't what is.