tonight i am perplexed.
as i sit here in my dim lit room, i want to cry.
it has been a long time since i have. i have become numb to it in a way.
i have seen my mistakes. i keep hitting replay in my head. i have been able to smile, and thank God for them.
but tonight, they haunt me.
tonight the feelings of being used will not leave my heart.
it is breaking all over again.
i want so bad to be able to forgive those who have hurt me. who have used me for their own selfish desires despite the long term effects i would endure from it.
i want to be able to love them the way God loves me still.
but i can't. not tonight. tonight i hurt. tonight i feel dirty and used.
so i will sit here and cry.
i hate that i was so stupid.
i hate that i LET them.
i feel uncomfortable.
i hate my past.
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1 comment:
I hate it that you are hurting, but know this....forgiveness will come. You know this with my last few years. But, like you said, it can only come from Him. You can't do it on your own. I love you sista!! (from another mister):)
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