love until it hurts. and then love more.

jkfsdkjWOWjhnfjs.

jkfldsjglksmg.

it has been a quite awhile since i have written last.

i have missed it.

it has been raining the past few days.
i have had some writer thoughts stir in my brain due to that beautiful rain:


what have i but you?
my eyes are empty.
it all seems bland to me.

your hand. it touches the earth.
i am lost in your gaze.
my life of cruelty--it lingers before me.

this heart of stone.
my selfish soul.
you see beauty.
you see depth.
i am not my own.

i am yours.
the trees sway in your wind.
you have caught my eye.
you are not bland.
this fallen world-

it is in your hands.
i am lost.
in your gaze.

it is raining. i am writing. sigh.

new song

teach me a new song.
the depths so astray.
my soul set free--
--tis the dawn of a new day--

firey beams::they scare me no
for i am learning a new song
--that song is hope.



fancy

i fancy you.
do you fancy me?
to shy to say.
to bitter to believe.

but if i fancy you--
--and you fancy me

like two sparrows in the sky
we shall be free.

pope

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep; "Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires composed, affections ever even,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heaven.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whispering angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her the unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heavenly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day."


- Alexander Pope

[no title yet]

empty this heart.
whisper::whisper to me.
in the midst of noise--
solitude finds me.

let go. and awake. you are made new.

stop letting your past rule your present courtney!

[yes, i am talking to myself in third person]


"wake up, o sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

-ephesians 5:14

i will not be shaken.

i will wander away.
i will be distant.
i will fall.
and i will fall hard.
but i will not be shaken.
i will always come back to You.
and You always let me.
i don't understand why.
why You would let this filthy girl into Your clean arms.
why You continuously wash this dirt away.
but i accept it.
i tried not to.
i tried to run.
i tried to rebel.
but You covered me with purity--grace::with love.
i couldn't resist.
i am broken.

i am lost.

You put me back together.
and guide me.
and Lord, i will follow.
i will follow You.
to Your glorious paradise in the sky.
i will not be shaken.
not because i am strong.
--for i am so weak.
but because i cannot resist You.

i.
cannot.